I am discharging from residential and entering into outpatient treatment as of this Tuesday. Though I am extremely nervous, I feel so much more equipped and prepared than my first discharge. I now understand that recovery outside of treatment is not going to be easy or linear. It is going to be an uphill battle… Continue reading Core beliefs
I have been thinking a lot about happiness and the difference between my happiness before versus during the eating disorder. Before, I was truly happy; it was an in the moment, beautiful kind of happiness. I would wake up each morning excited for a new day and I would go to bed content. I… Continue reading Happiness
I am sick of trying to shrink myself just to please other people, just to be accepted. I am tired of trying to achieve a perfectly flat stomach and an entirely unrealistic thigh gap. I am realizing that this so called "goal" will destroy me, that it will keep me sick, that it will lead… Continue reading Wake up and make a decision.
My first day back in residential was yesterday and so far I am doing okay. Meals have gone fine and I completed my supplement last night. Needless to say, it is so much easier than the first time. I have a better mindset and I am more recovery focused this time around. Everything seems just… Continue reading Back in residential: Update
Tomorrow, I am going back into residential after days of endless debate and contemplation. My choices were either outpatient or residential and my eating disorder more than anything wanted to choose outpatient. Ed told me that I would be fine, that I am more weight restored than I have been since getting anorexia, that I… Continue reading My decision.
Listen to your body, it knows what it needs. For so long, I tried to ignore the signals that my body was desperately sending me. First, it was “stop moving, please rest for just one day”. A regimented exercise schedule left my body tired and defeated and it tried to tell me this in any… Continue reading Listen to your body…
Elementary School: How easy it was to look in the mirror as a six year old. After throwing together a mismatched outfit and clasping my hair in a high pony I would run to the bathroom in the morning to quickly brush my teeth, eager for a breakfast of waffles and syrup. “Ooh!” I would… Continue reading The evolution of looking in the mirror