I have been thinking a lot about happiness and the difference between my happiness before versus during the eating disorder. Before, I was truly happy; it was an in the moment, beautiful kind of happiness. I would wake up each morning excited for a new day and I would go to bed content. I… Continue reading Happiness
I am sick of trying to shrink myself just to please other people, just to be accepted. I am tired of trying to achieve a perfectly flat stomach and an entirely unrealistic thigh gap. I am realizing that this so called "goal" will destroy me, that it will keep me sick, that it will lead… Continue reading Wake up and make a decision.
My first day back in residential was yesterday and so far I am doing okay. Meals have gone fine and I completed my supplement last night. Needless to say, it is so much easier than the first time. I have a better mindset and I am more recovery focused this time around. Everything seems just… Continue reading Back in residential: Update
Listen to your body, it knows what it needs. For so long, I tried to ignore the signals that my body was desperately sending me. First, it was “stop moving, please rest for just one day”. A regimented exercise schedule left my body tired and defeated and it tried to tell me this in any… Continue reading Listen to your body…
Elementary School: How easy it was to look in the mirror as a six year old. After throwing together a mismatched outfit and clasping my hair in a high pony I would run to the bathroom in the morning to quickly brush my teeth, eager for a breakfast of waffles and syrup. “Ooh!” I would… Continue reading The evolution of looking in the mirror
Eating disorders are so incredibly strong. Just when I thought I had restored enough weight to make it on my own and step down to a lower level of care, ED grew louder yet again. I have been in PHP (partial hospitalization program) for only a week now and the recommendation was changed back to… Continue reading A bump in the road
Yesterday I made the decision to try on my old clothes, in an effort to accept my new body and the changes it has undergone over the past ten weeks. The action was harder than I ever could have imagined and the pride I had started to feel in my weight restored body slowly began… Continue reading Weight restored body