I recently read the novel The Priority List by David Menasche. If you haven't read the book, I highly encourage you to try it. It is written by a teacher with terminal brain cancer who, in his last few months of life, visits his past students all over the country. Through his travels, he is… Continue reading My Priority List
A pre eating disorder morning: I would wake up to the blaring of my alarm and turn drowsily on my side to stare at the stark red numbers on my alarm clock. 5:15 am was my waking time to make it to my 6:30 am morning dance practice. However frighteningly early that may seem, once… Continue reading What happens if you wake up one morning without ED?
When I began to lose the weight it was rather addicting. I would exercise and I would see visible results; it was immediate gratification. It started with exercise and as I began to physically move more I found my hunger intensifying. This scared me and for some backwards reason I compensated for this fear with… Continue reading Thin is only the halfway point.
I am sorry. I am sorry for all the things I have done to you this past year. I am sorry for exercising you to the point of exhaustion and ignoring your urgent and apparent cues to stop and rest. I am sorry for constantly comparing you to others; for never quite being satisfied with… Continue reading Dear Body…
The eating disorder for me meets the need of control; if I can stay in control of my food intake then I can stay in control of my life. Restriction is an addiction, it gives me a sense of extreme pride and power. There is just something about making it through hour after hour without… Continue reading What purpose does anorexia serve?
When I loved myself enough I was a little curly haired girl without a care in the world, who spent her hours playing make believe and enjoying the moment. When I loved myself enough my body did not define my worth. When I loved myself enough I ate until I was full and satisfied; what… Continue reading When I loved myself enough.
Tonight I achieved something that was unimaginable to me when I first arrived at residential treatment: my first 100% meal completion. I walked into the kitchen to see that dinner was two beef tacos along with a brownie on the side. I immediately felt my chest tighten and my breath rapidly increase. The ED voice… Continue reading 100% completion