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Weight Restoration

Weight restoration is hard. I need to gain twenty pounds yet I am bombarded daily with messages of “how to lose twenty pounds in two weeks” or “how to lose the weight and keep it off!” Our society is so focused and centered around weight loss that it can become all consuming. It is almost inconceivable to think that someone would need helping putting on weight.

This is why it is has been so hard for me to wrap my head around putting on the weight. When every other sign and signal around you is screaming out that the right thing to do is lose the weight and people are celebrated and congratulated when they do so, it seems as though I am going against what is right and expected.

It is time for me to change my mindset over twenty pounds. Because gaining weight is not failing and I need to fully internalize this. Twenty pounds for me is the difference between continuing to live a life filled with doctor appointments and concerned parents versus living a full life filled with the things I love. A life filled with nature walks with my dog, hikes with my friends, ice cream outings with my little brother, and running for the fun of it but not solely to burn calories.

Twenty pounds is looking in the mirror and seeing the healthy version of myself rather than a hollowed out version of me. It means no more worried glances from family members, no more stressful meal times with others hovering over me.

Most importantly, it means energy. Energy. Something I have been lacking for so long. No more weak legs, no more hair loss, no more pure exhaustion. It means staying up late with my friends instead of retiring to bed at 8, with no energy left to spare.

Each pound I gain is a step towards this lifestyle and a step away from the hospital. But that said, it takes an enormous amount of strength to fully understand this. It is one thing to write it, but is a whole other thing to act upon it. So I will try to start here with a pledge. A pledge to gain back the weight, but most importantly to gain back my life.

One thought on “Weight Restoration

  1. Hun,I totally sympathize with you. Weight gain is (usually- though I recognize not everyone in recover does or needs to gain weight) a necessary part of recovery. I hate it so much. And it takes everything in me some days not to say fuck it and go back to loosing weight.

    You’ve got this. One thing that’s helped me (but maybe be careful with it if it’s not for you) is I told myself- “I’ll do this for a month (or week, or three months, depending on what this is- with weight gain and meal plans a month or more is more helpful that a week- and if I still prefer my eating disorder I can always go back to it.

    Try out the weight gain…your brain and body will feel so much better. Your mind still might not- but with a healthy brain you can calm your mind easier.

    That said- weight gain in recovery for an eating disorder sucks so much. I feel ya. Hang in there

    Liked by 1 person

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